Dear Pastor

Dear Pastor

I am now realising that you were never a Christian.  I now recognise pastor that the story you tried to sell from the pulpit was never one that you believed.  I now understand that for you consuming the flesh in church meant sex with teenage girls, it meant sexual abuse, child molestation and all the other ways you fucked our children.

Dear Pastor, the girl who at fourteen told you she was unsure of her sexuality was asking for help and needed a trusted adult to guide her through what must have been a frightening realisation for her  She was not asking to be felt up in the church manse nor was she asking to be put in the middle of your marriage as you groomed her for yourself.  she wasn’t asking for your wife to gang up on her at fifteen and warn her to leave her husband.  Which side of the world is it okay for a pastor’s wife to accost a child being sexually molested by her husband? How did she justify that? Did she at any point consider that she was also being complicit in the abuse of a minor.  Pastor the church has been soiled by the blood of virgin girls, 13, 14 and 15 year olds who sacrificed the joy of their first experience to the man who baptised them as babies and confirmed them as teenagers and who serve them communions on Sundays, salivating as they drank the blood of Christ.

Dear Pastor, did you know that camp became a place where girls were being groomed by the clergy?  Did you know that as we prayed girls were being taken into the water, not for baptism, no, not to accept Christ but to forcibly tolerate your nasty disgusting fingers as they made their way up their shorts or their swim suits and into their vaginas? How is it okay for an entire institution to turn a blind eye to the abuse of so many?  Many of us lost hope at camp, because we saw the obvious injustice and abuse and our minds played tricks on us, because we could not fathom or come to terms with the fact that the clergy, the pastor was the abuser.

Dear Pastor, I use to sit in the pews and wonder what was wrong with me.  Why I left church angry and unsatisfied.  I could not understand why your words fell so flat, why they did not ‘go forth’ as the Bible had said.  I know now it is because you have no soul.  You are a cynic and you do not believe in the thing that you preach about.  ‘Pastor’ for you is like being a garbage collector or a lawyer or teacher, it is a profession and you are no more convinced of the teachings of the Bible and Christianity than the atheist.  I wondered why your sermons were so uninspiring and why they never captured real stories of real people and why they never contained suggestions for practical living.  I wondered why you were always so joyless, how you never seemed moved by the message you bought.  I now know, you have no soul.

Dear Pastor, have you stopped to check on the many lives you ruined?  The girls you forced to lie to their mothers?  The girls who no longer trust themselves because  your lies and abuse damaged their self worth and made them feel as if they were not worthy, who now know they cannot trust the church and Christianity and who feel empty because they feel like they were made into Jezebel.  The families you tore apart and the church members who lost their faith because of you?   Pastor, I use to wonder why you seemed un- bothered by the absence of young men in the church, I now know why, you couldn’t stand the competition.  You must have been so happy, a whole church of women to have your way with.  Pastor, as you are the grim reaper.  The devil we fear is you.  You are Satan, you are the great evil.  You are the danger, you are the one we must not trust, you are the one we must fear.

Dear Pastor, I have no respect for your wife.  She was complicit because she knew and she did nothing.  I wonder how she could love a man who she knew was victimising a child?  What happened to your family and the values you preached at from the pulpit? How did you train up your children? In the way they should go! But you dont know how to raise a child, children for you are just tools for your pleasure.

Dear Pastor, I hope the next time you put on your collar it chokes you.

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8 thoughts on “Dear Pastor

  1. Very powerful and painful. Familiar to so many. Thanks for voicing what so many have and continue to suffer at the hands of pastors and other church leaders. May the words remind you of your strength as a survivor and inspire you to continue your advocacy.

  2. I don’t know how to react to this. On the one hand I hear the pain of the abused and disappointed and feel the anger directed towards those in whom much trust was placed and who shamelessly betrayed that trust. On the other hand, as a Pastor myself, I feel compelled to assure those who might still listen that there are some of us who genuinely seek to lead our people to a deeper more meaningful relationship with God. All is not lost. True, we all share some responsibility for the betrayal of a few but, pray for those who hunker down on their knees daily seeking the wisdom of Heaven to lead their congregations. My deepest apologies go out to those that have been hurt and I do pray that we who wear the collar will understand the weight placed on our shoulders when we accept that sacred call.

    • I understand your response, but it should never be a weight, you should feel free if you let go and let God. Just my obsercation.

  3. Pingback: A Love Letter to Jamaican Girls | Myal Weed

  4. Since it was happening from years ago, why individuals didn’t bring it to someone’s attention? Everyone just sit quiet & said nothing? SMH… I’ve being around him in my younger days & I have never experience such act with him…..why speaking out now when it is late? Why? Why? Why? Why now? I’m asking myself more questions than answers.

  5. Ivor Harry, I believe you are sincere and wish that all who hold your position were also sincere.
    But alas, it is not so! We must therefore, remove our heads from out of the sand!

    The issue at hand here, is one of trust!! When to trust, when not to trust!!

    We exercise faith in trusting that our pastors will not act in manners that are harmful to us, or sinful in general. And certainly, not against laws established by the state!

    Unfortunately however, utilising faith in this regard has proven to be very unreliable (not to mention harmful!). Unacceptably unreliable!! Therefore one would desire the use of more reliable means of determining whether to trust or not to trust.

    How about greater use of discernment and common-sense? A novel idea, yes? Discernment and common-sense vs faith/blind faith.

    It would only be responsible of the church to include greater discussion of the use of faith vs discernment and common-sense within its menu of teachings. I am sure you agree that faith is not a substitute for discernment or common-sense. But sadly, too many of us easily and unwisely substitute the latter with faith. I am not against the use of faith. But I am certainly against the use of blind faith, lazy faith, irresponsible faith, convenience faith, nonsensical faith, etc.

    Will we finally see the church doing this!? Will we finally see the church take a position of:
    “Discernment and common-sense before faith”

    After all, God did endow us with brains. And I do not know of any text, manual or guide, that tells us how much we should or should not use it! So why not use it as much as possible? (I presume that having a brain is a good thing).

    Is it against Church policy or doctrine to promote the use of discernment & common-sense where the use of faith is unwarranted, unnecessary, impractical, or demonstrably dangerous!!??

    You state that ” ……….. there are some of us who genuinely seek to lead our people to a deeper more meaningful relationship with God.”

    I am sure there are Ivor Henry. However, how do we CONFIDENTLY identify those some of you!?

    I put it to you, in this regard, discernment & common-sense will beat faith any day!!

    Ultimately, the Church needs to come right out and declare the following:

    “Stop using faith to establish your trust in us! We are not God! Please use discernment & common-sense instead!”

    As a pastor, what say you?

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