I have been very hesitant and cautious about life lately. I am learning some valuable lessons about people, all of them including the ones I am connected to by blood. The lessons are sometimes heartbreaking, there are moments when I absolutely lose my courage and my faith in humanity. I cant and dont, perhaps find it hard, to trust everyone, absolutely everyone. I am learning to find happiness in this new state, I absolutely have no desire to develop this capacity to trust anymore. I want people as far from me as possible. I cant risk it.
I have learnt that when you meet people they have very little genuine interest in you, they are sizing you up in the moment, deciding if it makes sense to keep you or add you to their cache of friends, to be used and discarded later on. Only after they have taken all they possibly want.
I lost a couple “friends” this year. Thank God I havent gained any. Those that I lost I genuinely loved and thought they had my best interest at heart. In fact another important lesson I learnt is that sometimes the people around you want you to be who they want you to be. Dare you do anything they dont approve of, then you are chided and chastised and clearly the intention is for you to fall in line and do whats expected.
I still have some friends, genuine, caring and totally have my best interest at heart. I feel thier love and commitment when we talk or when we connect in any way possible.
So as I navigate this life, as I walk through the sometimes dark and imposing alleys, as I learn to listen amd to pause. I celebrate my friends.